I Want to Die First
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I want to die first. It seems like a pretty morbid statement when you read it at face value. Let me make it clear that I have no desire to die, I hopefully plan to die in my sleep when I’m very, very old.
The statement I want to die first to me and my husband means I can’t imagine a life without you. We have seen ourselves grow and change in the nearly two decades we’ve been together already. We see ourselves growing old together, our kids, grown up, having kids of their own one day.
We have been having this argument for years. I’ll joke that his family has longevity, he’ll then point out that he has had more health issues than me. But we know we are only given so many days on this earth and one day it won’t be a silly, weird argument anymore.
We have personally seen the pain caused when one of our loved ones loses their life partner and imagining that pain brings up our argument of who dies first again. It’s our way of telling the other that we’re in it until the end. It’s an unending devotion, albeit a little strange.
When you think about it deeper it is also quite selfish. We want to spare ourselves the pain of having to deal with the loss at the expense of our partner having to do it.
One day our time will be up and we’ll find out who gets spared the emotional turmoil. Until that day is here we will continue our weird little argument while we make sure to love and cherish our days together may there be many many more to come.
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December 6, 2018 at 12:08PM